AMALGAMATE.: July 2010

Dedicated

Why do you try so hard? do you really need to?? does it create some sort of uncontrollable elation?

Can't you be happy with the present? can't you live now and forget the past?

People do not know what they want..how do you expect me to make you happy if you don't tell me what you want?...and when i try and it's not what you want you get upset? Like do i really have to deal with this?

Your job is to make me understand you...don't expect me to have answers to your puzzled life.

I'm not a magician...even if i was i would be use my magic for more worthwhile purposes. Not that you are not worthwhile..i mean if i actually call you my friend you are worthwhile...but let's us be real with eachother i cannot know you if you don't even know yourself.

Don't expect anyone to understand you or relate to you if YOU have no idea what you are about. Get a grip of your life.

Stop putting me in the middle of your confusion. I cannot help you to figure out what you want and stop throwing your tantrums at me. I'm not God. He gave you a brain make use of that...work the muscles.

Stop living in the past...stop giving your mistakes your thought. The more you do the more your mistakes control you. Whatever was done is done...and it was meant to be that's why it happened. Focus on making your today brighter 'cos of those mistakes. Let your mistakes create a positive outcome not negative insecurities.

This is the only way i can help you and make you happy, by telling you all this...by sharing wisdom and positivity but i cannot control your life or help you understand yourself. You are growing up. Don't just grow physically but spiritually and mentally too.

I love you so i share this with you. Take a second and think about yourself forget about everything else. Sometimes being selfish is the only way out.

your friend,

Me.

O YES.

YES YES YES

My sister, friend, lover.

Friend

Are you my lover or my friend? or both?

We are who we choose to be. I'm responsible for me.

I want you to be my friend..maybe later we could think about you being my lover. I want you...the friend who will hold me...the friend who won't leave 'cos of my stubborn self...the friend who will teach me..the friend who will learn with me..the friend who likes ME.

Does my discomfort comfort you or make you feel worse than i do?

I don't want to be stuck here just 'cos i caught feelings. Do you believe in me 'cos i believe in you.

I know you can make a change in my life that's why i don't want to lose you. My emotions come second 'cos i'm emotional, you're emotional we could screw it up.

But i can't help but wonder do i love you? do i lust for you? can i do both?

There's only one for me..we could take a step to see if you could be a possibility.

In sync with my instincts i see what is internal..i see your face..i see you and i'm not afraid.

I'm not perfect, you are not perfect but together we make perfect sense.

I want the friend who will make me hum "his" name..be my meditation.

I want the friend who can make words take over me.

When we move we feel the vibe if we move we making the vibe .

Then finally when i get "him" he would be my friend and my lover.

I write so much but just never get the time to blog . Well finally. WOW so many things about me has changed i'm really happy but it's a little frightening too. I have spent like more than a week by myself and i loved and still loving every bit of it. Reading and listening to real good music..what more could you want??

There's so many things i realized i was doing that was not helping me physically spiritually or whatever so why would i waste my time doing it then? I mean if you can't cause me to smile you surely can't expect any emotional response from me so why bother?

I might not be making too much sense but believe me i know exactly what i'm saying.

I just gained more wisdom on how to "look" at people. I mean i do judge people by how they act towards me so if you are not real with me too bad. I want to be around positive people, exciting people, people who want to do something all the time, people who want to learn, people who know what they want, people who have knowledge about themselves, people who are smart, people who read...if you think my expectations are high then i guess we are not meant to be friends.

People look up to the wrong people and try to be them. It's just so sad. Is this how the world is going to be?..it's going to get worse in the future. I don't want my kids to be around all these lies. I want the real world back. Was there even anything as the real world?

"THE FUTURE BELONGS TO THOSE WHO PREPARE FOR IT TODAY"

Everything is a lie now. The music is a lie. The people are a lie.

Where are all the real people who kept on fighting for the truth? the people who kept us on the right path? the people who said the truth no matter what. Now no one will say the truth 'cos they don't want to hurt feelings so they support the lie.

IT'S KILLING US!

People are no longer willing to look at the important things in life. They are to per-occupied with fitting in with the LIE. Living to please people. Why?? if they won't accept who you are they will never accept you! WAKE UP! Stop feeling what people want you to feel..feel what's in your soul..tell me what you see when you look in the mirror not what people want to see.

"IF YOU HAVE NO CRITICS YOU WILL LIKELY HAVE NO SUCCESS"

I'm tired of people living a lie through social networks trying to prove that they too are "fly". What?? are you doing something you are proud of??

"IF YOU DON'T STAND FOR SOMETHING YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING"

I'm tired of this lie everyone is living. I'm tired of everyone.

"MY ALMA MATTER WAS BOOKS, A GOOD LIBRARY.. I COULD SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE READING, JUST SATISFYING MY CURIOSITY" - Malcolm X.

FUCK FUCK!!

Y'all should cop this "Pilot Talk" if you are into good music 'doe.

ZEITGEIST

So i watched the movie and i was in awe...i mean i saw so many things that shocked me and horrified me.

I mean sometimes you know somethings are not true but the facts they present are just too obvious. I mean there were so many things said about the Christian religion that just had me say "what the fuck" like the whole Christian religion is based on astrology? There are so many other gods that are like Jesus Christ... same characteristics and shit and they went on to say the Christian religion is based on the foundation of the Egyptian religion? And the ten commandments were taken from the Egyptian "book of the dead" ?WOW. And there were so many facts goddamit! Trying to confuse a girl.

And there was like serious talk about the 9/11 it's so horrifying to know that it was all an inside job i mean how? America uses terrorism to manipulate people from knowing the truth. I mean all terrorist suspects are released just like that?? they just put it on the news as an act like ; "yeah we are taking care of it". The most shocking one that made the hairs on my body stand was the bombing in London. I mean whoever takes care of terrorism were supposed to be going through a practice of how they would handle a terrorist attack.

And guess what? the "practice" thing took place at the same station were the bombing occurred and on the same day. Tell me that was just a coincidence?

There were so many things that had me horrified.

Astonishing facts about the 1st world war and 2nd world war. Rockefella..that dude was a straight mother fucking devil. The war between Japan and America..i'm sure you were told or taught that japan started the war...wrong. Japan was pushed to the limit. Rockefella wanted the Japanese to attack he did everything he could to trigger their patience... from freezing all their assets in the United States to other unpleasant things i can't really remember. And why did he do that? 'cos that nigga got a whole shit of millions from a war.

I can't go into everything it's just too much..too many things that could change your way of thinking drastically.

All i know is no matter what i don't follow society. I think for myself..I care about what i want to care about and all this makes me happy.

I love being happy. I love being full of positive energy i detest negative energy and people who bring that.

I dislike people who live in their past..the pain..they are so blind that they cannot see the present..the beauty and how its going to reflect on to future.

I will not let you pull me down just 'cos of the old days and the most irritating thing...the old days mean nothing.

As i always say i live for me and no one else.

I'm sorry but the smile i always have is there to stay.

It's never what you know..it's what i know that matters the most.

POSITIVITY.