Piece of me.
Past is gone..future will occur..allowing the present to continue.
Thinking to self...
Observation, skepticism....
Me 3 years ago, me now.
Truth, lies.
You, me.
They, us.
Shit happens everyday you just got to learn how to deal with it. A fact is a fact, we all know it deep down in our hearts. Some people just choose to ignore it and act otherwise. A situation shouldn't turn you into a mess, you learn, get up and move on.
If you were in my life before and you are not anymore..i'm not bothered. Everything happens for a reason. I'm sorry i'm not going to get sappy over that...i just can't.
I don't need some kind of love to complete my life. I love myself, that's is best thing i could ever do.
I try not to get mad but i just detest someone telling me that their "love" could change my life. Your love shouldn't change me..it should teach me and vice versa. If you want to change me i DO NOT want you in my life.
I'm sorry i just can't.
The conversation.
"I love you" he says.
She stares blankly at him. "Wont you say something back?" he asks her, "i have nothing to say" she replies. His smile slowly turns into a frown. "But i said i love you" he demanded.
She looks at him and says "nope you lust for me"
He started talking to her barely a month ago and she only considered their friendship because they went to high school together.
"What are the color of my eyes?" she asks him "surely you should have noticed this...you always seem to be looking into my eyes intensely" she adds. "Why do you love me?" she continues "is it because of the stories i'm always blabbering about from the books i read, my love for music?" she looks directly into his eyes "or my face and body?"
He tries to talk but she interrupts him "i'm not girlfriend material....i'm a friend and a lover, i'm not just an item you can brag about to your friends i'm a connection that makes someone stronger" she looks away.
"But we have been friends" he says as he moves closer to her. She looks at him with her eyes wide open "tell me what interests me the most, what inspires me, what i absolutely love to do....".
He stares into thin air "that right there is your answer i was never your friend, i am a task to you. You just have to get me and feel the power of content, pride and victory" she says to him.
she slowly begins to get up and walk towards the door he stares at her like he has just been hit by a bullet.
"Love is no word to misuse you lust for me not love me. Love doesn't demand a response, loving me doesn't give you control over me and you can not just love me without being my true friend"
Her last words before walking out the door.
Reality
Been a while...got so many books and i can't really take my head outta them...just something that's been happening that really makes me unhappy.
There's nothing like REAL anymore...nobody wants to be their SELF. It's either trying to be like someone else or living to impress people. Come on man what's so wrong with being real? are you not proud enough?
I've so many complaints just 'cos i have been blunt with people...like really? i'm myself, i live to make myself happy and if there's something i want to say hell i'm going to say it. Nobody intimidates me.
Seriously when are people going to grow up? and talk about things matter? do things that really matter? and do things that make them happy? Just 'cos society says something don't mean you do exactly that nigga. Don't call me boring...i believe the word is WISE. I'm able to make decisions on my own, be with the people i want to be with and do what i please without trying to impress the "ways of society".
I thank God for the strong self will i have. AMEN.
Yes i might seem selfish, stubborn or whatever but in the end i'm happy.
Seriously if you are not happy everyday and thanking God for your life. you're doing something wrong...maybe its time to be less of them and more of yourself.
Joy is what you need.
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I'm careful and I call you friend now
I've not been myself for a while....being falling asleep early lolx. Well nothing has changed, the sunlight hasn't burnt me yet lolx #vamp.
I'm still on my normal stuff...YOU have been appearing and disappearing in my mind..not that i'm complaining...my sub conscious tends to love this game.
The encounter i had the other day i can't explain....it's not like the usual thing that would make me say "wow i want that to happen again" or " lord my breath was taken away!" don't get me wrong i would have no objection to the other day repeating it self exactly the way it occured.
There was something right i don't know...i really can't get sappy with this 'cos it just wasn't. It was something else. It was something pure....there was no hidden agenda. Yeah! That's what it was.
Something i haven't felt in a while...something that just came natural. I didn't have to feel it 'cos i was meant to like it was an obligation. Sometimes you find yourself in some situation that just demands some particular "stuff"...like some sorta rule.
I didn't feel anything like that.
My soul was at peace and everything was worked out by nature. I felt like this time nature had my back. Mind you i don't expect anyone to understand this.
Nature doesn't speak or relate to everyone or just anyone.
I asked for a friend and the other day i FELT a friend.
Something i hope nature continues to do for me.
I'm free..i'm not entitled to nothing....and that's what makes it perfect.
All i'm entitled to right now is nature and feeling its purity.
I love the night
Gorillaz playing in the background..i had so much in my head and i tried real hard to put them into writing and i foolishly deleted it...well accidentally.
I just can't write what i wrote before.....it doesn't work like that you know....my sub conscious self and i were communicating...you just can't rewrite shit like that you know?
But i do remember that i had a startling discovery....alone works for me, not that i didn't know that but it was shown to me in a whole new light. What i know is sometimes i feel i'm going to lose my mind 'cos of the frustrations these humans bring....not that i'm not human but sometimes i think i'm a different specie forced to live on this earth.
I use so much effort to care to make it seem like i do feel what "i'm supposed to" but truthfully i really don't...you just have no idea.I know that THEY cannot deal with the truth. I feel inhuman but it's not really my fault maybe it's 'cos for me every human is a candidate to hurt, if only that makes sense..but that's what i feel.
I'm "YET" to encounter someone who will prove me wrong..well not wrong just show some kind of difference. Till then i await. I'm sick and tired of these people saying they different..the only difference is...well nothing. Stop lying to yourself and maybe you could be different.
I'm beginning to think YOU are like me....there's so much about you that tickles my fancy. I'm willing to hurt THEM 'cos of you and i did..but that's not really a problem is it? Basically whatever happens is meant to happen no matter what we feel. If there's nothing you can do about it then, whatever you could have done has already been done...move on.
I'm having the hardest contemplation ever.
I'll just have to wait and see ay?
My mind is moving so fast my fingers can't find the right pace....fuck you nigga brain lolx excuse me.
I think i would be able to get everything my mind is telling me in my dream and it's almost daylight and that's not good for me #vamp.
I just love the night...looking outside my window and seeing darkness with the stars being the only thing brightening the earth...well apart from the artificial light. The peace...the silence just the wind speaking to you and just the stars smiling back at you..what more could you ask for?
O this song is playing........no comments.
"and whatever she thought she felt was a lie, 'cos she felt nothing...but how could she explain?. Nobody would understand her and they might think she's insane."
I need to go get in touch with my sub conscious.... it's been playing funny games with me...STOP!
*SMILING* i like it though.......
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