Missing them

I'm careful and I call you friend now

I've not been myself for a while....being falling asleep early lolx. Well nothing has changed, the sunlight hasn't burnt me yet lolx #vamp.

I'm still on my normal stuff...YOU have been appearing and disappearing in my mind..not that i'm complaining...my sub conscious tends to love this game.

The encounter i had the other day i can't explain....it's not like the usual thing that would make me say "wow i want that to happen again" or " lord my breath was taken away!" don't get me wrong i would have no objection to the other day repeating it self exactly the way it occured.

There was something right i don't know...i really can't get sappy with this 'cos it just wasn't. It was something else. It was something pure....there was no hidden agenda. Yeah! That's what it was.

Something i haven't felt in a while...something that just came natural. I didn't have to feel it 'cos i was meant to like it was an obligation. Sometimes you find yourself in some situation that just demands some particular "stuff"...like some sorta rule.

I didn't feel anything like that.

My soul was at peace and everything was worked out by nature. I felt like this time nature had my back. Mind you i don't expect anyone to understand this.

Nature doesn't speak or relate to everyone or just anyone.

I asked for a friend and the other day i FELT a friend.

Something i hope nature continues to do for me.

I'm free..i'm not entitled to nothing....and that's what makes it perfect.

All i'm entitled to right now is nature and feeling its purity.

I love the night

Gorillaz playing in the background..i had so much in my head and i tried real hard to put them into writing and i foolishly deleted it...well accidentally.

I just can't write what i wrote before.....it doesn't work like that you know....my sub conscious self and i were communicating...you just can't rewrite shit like that you know?

But i do remember that i had a startling discovery....alone works for me, not that i didn't know that but it was shown to me in a whole new light. What i know is sometimes i feel i'm going to lose my mind 'cos of the frustrations these humans bring....not that i'm not human but sometimes i think i'm a different specie forced to live on this earth.

I use so much effort to care to make it seem like i do feel what "i'm supposed to" but truthfully i really don't...you just have no idea.I know that THEY cannot deal with the truth. I feel inhuman but it's not really my fault maybe it's 'cos for me every human is a candidate to hurt, if only that makes sense..but that's what i feel.

I'm "YET" to encounter someone who will prove me wrong..well not wrong just show some kind of difference. Till then i await. I'm sick and tired of these people saying they different..the only difference is...well nothing. Stop lying to yourself and maybe you could be different.

I'm beginning to think YOU are like me....there's so much about you that tickles my fancy. I'm willing to hurt THEM 'cos of you and i did..but that's not really a problem is it? Basically whatever happens is meant to happen no matter what we feel. If there's nothing you can do about it then, whatever you could have done has already been done...move on.

I'm having the hardest contemplation ever.

I'll just have to wait and see ay?

My mind is moving so fast my fingers can't find the right pace....fuck you nigga brain lolx excuse me.

I think i would be able to get everything my mind is telling me in my dream and it's almost daylight and that's not good for me #vamp.

I just love the night...looking outside my window and seeing darkness with the stars being the only thing brightening the earth...well apart from the artificial light. The peace...the silence just the wind speaking to you and just the stars smiling back at you..what more could you ask for?

O this song is playing........no comments.

"and whatever she thought she felt was a lie, 'cos she felt nothing...but how could she explain?. Nobody would understand her and they might think she's insane."

I need to go get in touch with my sub conscious.... it's been playing funny games with me...STOP!

*SMILING* i like it though.......